Kevin Martin, the angry weather hoaxer and serial threat-giver whose string of viral prognosticatory hoaxes of late worried millions with false prophecies of doom, has a new message for Facebook and President Obama: "STOP MESSING WITH ME!" And he's very srs, guys.

The latest kerfuffle began last week after Martin started issuing look-alike severe thunderstorm warnings via his Facebook page. Martin further used his page, which has more than 30,000 followers despite its constant suspensions by Facebook, to tell his readers to completely disregard severe weather watches and warnings issued by NOAA's National Weather Service, the only reputable weather agency in the United States that issues these types of advisories.

Under the current system, it's legal for anyone to say "tornado warning for Prince William County!!!" even if there isn't one.* Despite corporate angling to co-opt and trendset in the weather community, no reputable weather organizations issue their own watches or warnings. The closest any agency comes to issuing its own advisories is WeatherBug with its "Dangerous Thunderstorm Alert," which utilizes weather radar and a lightning detection network to alert users that a thunderstorm is in the vicinity.

*However, as Stephen Uzick points out in the comments, it is a violation of Federal law to issue counterfeit forecasts, warnings, or statements that are made under the name of the NWS or any other U.S. government entity. Martin tip-toes up to this line in formatting his products to look identical to the NWS, but evades prosecution by not pretending they're issuing the fake forecasts.

In response to Martin's ongoing War Against Meteorology, a frequent critic of Martin's created a petition on change.org to urge members of Congress to pass a law restricting the ability to issue severe weather watches and warnings to the National Weather Service. The petition is addressed to President Obama and three senators who sit on the committee responsible for overseeing the Department of Commerce, under which the National Weather Service is operated.

Not to be outdone, and true to his form, Martin snapped back with the ferocity of a moody five-year-old angrily taping a note to his blanket fortress that reads "NOONE ALLOWD AND THAT MEENS U TO, MOM."

Kevin Martin's counter-petition is succinctly titled "Ignore Petition To Pass legislation restricting the issuance of severe weather watches and warnings to Federal Government agencies only and for Facebook to STOP terminating Kevin Martin."

If that wasn't enough word salad for you, enjoy trying to read the petition itself, throughout which Martin gloriously refers to himself in the third person:

This petition will send a message that the public wants alternative alerts, in addition to the ones NOAA provides. Such sites like Southern California Weather Central.com and Weather Alert Central.com are sites I work with to do just that.

The people (under their rights in this country) have the option to follow what alerts they wish to follow, without government control on such. Such alerts can and have saved lives over what NOAA can provide on its own.

Private alert agencies + NOAA is what is needed for the public alert system.

So the signature the people put is in support to private weather services issuing their own weather alerts by means of their own website, phone application, or any other means they might use in-which the freedom to do this is protected by the U.S. Constitution so never forget that exists.

FACEBOOK: We the signed want our weatherman Kevin Martin to remain on Facebook and run his pages. Trolls are always doing false reports and we are sick of you taking him off for no reason at all. He spends a lot of money advertising his products on your site with your advertising department and for you to do that to him is UNPROFESSIONAL and you are a social site so start being social to your advertisers.

STOP MESSING WITH KEVIN MARTIN

It's almost Palin-esque, isn't it? Stop messing with the free right of the people to mislead and the freedom of the patriots to patriot and the free U.S. Constitution that exists so never forget also that, too. And STOP MESSING WITH KEVIN MARTIN, OBAMA.

Neither petition is doing very well in the signatures department (the original has 56 signatures and Martin's counter-petition, boosted on Facebook to his tens of thousands of 'likes,' has 225 as of publication), and neither movement will grab the attention of lawmakers. It's hard enough to convince a certain party that the National Weather Service is necessary (1, 2), let alone that it should have the sole authority to do something like issue life-saving weather warnings.

[Image: Angela Waye/Shutterstock]

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